In business negotiations, we often refrain from revealing information—whether about ourselves, our needs, or our constraints. Why do we hold back? We may be fearful of causing offense, being taken advantage of, or coming across as “too much.”
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Discover step-by-step techniques for avoiding common business negotiation pitfalls when you download a copy of the FREE special report, Business Negotiation Strategies: How to Negotiate Better Business Deals, from the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School.
In her new book, Revealing: The Underrated Power of Oversharing, Leslie John, the James E. Burke Professor at Harvard Business School, writes that these fears are overblown. As it turns out, abundant research by John and others shows that we can reap great benefits from being more open in life.
Disclosing more about ourselves has been found to improve our health and well-being. It deepens our relationships. And in business negotiations, it can lead to more satisfying, longer-lasting agreements.
Why? Because to create and claim value, both parties need to know what the other party really cares about. This, of course, requires openness and revelation. And sharing information also does wonders for setting the tone of the negotiation.
In particular, it often pays to share information about ourselves, our interests, and our emotions in business negotiations.
Information about Yourself
A perennial “disclosure dilemma” is the question of how much time, if any, to spend building rapport before and during business negotiations. How much should you reveal, if anything, about your background, your job, and your family, for instance?
More than you think, according to John. Research on the norm of reciprocity predicts that sharing information about yourself prompts negotiating counterparts to respond with a disclosure of their own. That kind of back-and-forth fosters the trust and connection that are needed to build strong relationships in negotiation and lasting negotiated agreements.
In one study, for example, pairs of negotiators were more likely to reach agreement when they shared a friendly phone call before negotiating via email. It may be especially important to take time to spend time building rapport when negotiating at a physical distance—over email, the phone, or Zoom, for instance. Sharing information can help us compensate for the lack of visual and/or verbal cues in these communication media.
So, unless you’re facing an urgent deadline, take some time at the start of talks to share a little about yourself. Odds are your disclosure will be well received and reciprocated.
Information about Your Interests
In our first formal negotiations as teens and young adults, many of us made the mistake of revealing our reservation price—the least amount we would accept from a counterpart. Maybe you told an interviewer that you’d be happy to earn minimum wage, or when selling a used car, you said you’d accept next to nothing because you were moving away the next day.
Through experience and training, we learn the value of keeping our bottom line under wraps in negotiation. Unfortunately, however, we tend to overgeneralize and assume that sharing other key data points, including information about our priorities, needs, and interests, is unwise.
In fact, ample research shows that when negotiators are transparent about their underlying interests, they equip themselves to make mutually beneficial trade-offs and ensure that both sides get more of what they want.
“When it comes to disclosure decisions, we’ll most often be better off if we appreciate that we’re not playing for a fixed kitty of chips,” writes John in Revealing. “We can reap, and share, much richer rewards by being transparent about our needs and desires.”
Information about Your Feelings
In professional settings like negotiation, we often try to conceal so-called negative emotions, such as anger, frustration, and fear. Feeling irritated by a counterpart’s indecision? Grit your teeth and smile. Terrified that you’ll walk away without a deal? Hide your shaking hands under the table, and take some deep breaths.
But here, too, we overlook the upside of revealing. In fact, John writes, sharing our emotions may offer the greatest opportunity for breakthroughs—in both our personal and professional lives.
In Revealing, John recounts a high-stakes professional moment when an audience’s aggressive questioning pushed her to an unexpected emotional breaking point. What followed was not a polished display of composure, but a candid expression of how the interaction felt in real time.
The outcome surprised her—and others in the room. And it led to a breakthrough with her audience that just might have produced lasting change.
The lesson for negotiators is straightforward: naming your emotional reality, even when it feels risky, can reset the tone of an interaction and shift norms in the moment. It can also encourage others to open up about how they are feeling. When we express our emotions respectfully, we open the door to productive conflict management and better agreements.
Revealing our emotions in professional settings, including negotiation, can be uncomfortable. Yet when done thoughtfully, it can prompt reflection, recalibration, and even reciprocity from the other side.
What experiences have you had revealing information in business negotiations?
Claim your FREE copy: Business Negotiation Strategies: How to Negotiate Better Business Deals
Discover step-by-step techniques for avoiding common business negotiation pitfalls when you download a copy of the FREE special report, Business Negotiation Strategies: How to Negotiate Better Business Deals, from the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School.
