Inside OutHow Conflict Professionals Can Use Self-Reflection to Help Their Clients


Gary Friedman

Designed to help people who work with parties in conflict use their inner experiences for the benefit of their clients, this book challenges many of the conventions conflict-resolution professionals bring to this field. Rooted in self-awareness, this practical guide encourages us to work from the "inside out".


With this insightful new book, author Gary Friedman presents fresh ideas which encourages negotiators to access their internal selves while creating a more constructive process for parties embroiled in conflict. This practical guide directs the reader to pay attention to emotional clues – which can unearth unacknowledged feelings, concerns, and priorities – that can be central to resolving the conflict if they are understood their importance communicated. Combining external dimensions with the internal world (attitudes, relationships, feelings) a conflict-resolution professional can determine the best course of action for all parties involved.

Inside Out is based on a program that Gary Friedman, Jack Himmelstein (a law professor and lawyer) and Norman Fischer (a Buddhist monk) have been teaching for a number of years. It encourages conflict-resolution professionals to concentrate on self-reflection in order to commit more fully and deeply when working with parties. By acknowledging and using self-awareness you can work from the “Inside Out”.

Whether you are a professional negotiator, litigator, mediator, or lawyer – this book is a must-have resource for your practice and for your client’s success.

“Inside-Out is must reading not only for all mediators but for judges and lawyers. Why? Because we must all deal with conflict in our professional lives. This book explains why we must develop greater insights into our own inner conflicts — through self-reflection — in order to help develop solutions that will be practical and durable. Filled with wonderful stories and examples, this book is not only helpful but a pleasure to read.”
Robert H. Mnookin, Williston Professor of Law; Director, Harvard Negotiation
Research Project; Chair, Program on Negotiation, Harvard Law School

“In this thoroughly lively book, Gary Friedman distills the wisdom of a lifetime of experience developing humanizing approaches to resolving conflicts — and healing conflict resolution professionals themselves in the process. Here, now, Friedman provides the essentials to help anyone use meditation, journal writing, and a focus on your inner observer to develop emotionally intelligent ways of resolving conflict that actually transform, heal, and have the look-and-feel of justice. If you want to help people resolve conflicts in ways that make everyone involved (including yourself!) just a bit better, read this book and work these practices. You might well become a part of the transformation of American law in our lives that this book proves has already begun.”
Rhonda V. Magee, Professor of Law, University of San Francisco

“In this wise and engaging book, Gary Friedman draws on his decades of experience as a mediator to describe a process, grounded in meditative awareness, by which mediators can look inward and engage their full resources—analysis, emotional intelligence, and self-reflection—to heighten their effectiveness in facilitating the resolution of disputes. These techniques closely parallel and illuminate the meditative perspective being explored by lawyers, law students, and judges to be more effective, empathetic, and satisfied in their law work. The practice of meditative self-reflection prescribed by Friedman could restore wisdom to the central place it should occupy in the work of lawyers and judges.”
Charles Halpern, founder and director, Berkeley Initiative for Mindfulness in Law, University of California at Berkeley School of Law

Gary Friedman is author of Challenging Conflict: Mediation Through Understanding which also has a video component called Saving The Last Dance. Both are available to order through the TNRC.

PON Teaching Negotiation Resource Center

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Soft copy vs. hard copy

You may order this role simulation in either soft copy (electronic) or hard copy (paper) format. If you select the soft copy option, you will receive an e-mail with a URL (website address) from which you may download an electronic file in Adobe Acrobat PDF format. You will have one week to download your materials from when you receive the email. You are then only authorized to use, print, or share the materials as many times as the number of copies you purchase. The TNRC charges for use of this simulation on a per-participant basis. Therefore, you must purchase a separate copy of this simulation for each person who will be participating, regardless of the number of roles in the simulation. You will only receive a link to one electronic file, which includes all general instructions, confidential instructions, and any teaching notes for the simulation. You should separate out the instructions before distributing to participants.

If you select the hard copy option, you will receive paper copies of this role simulation via the shipping method you select.

For additional information about the soft copy option, please visit our FAQ section, or contact the PON Teaching Negotiation Resource Center at or 800-258-4406 (within the U.S.) or 301-528-2676 (outside the U.S.).

Please note: At the present time, Teaching Negotiation Resource Center soft copies are compatible with the following versions of the Adobe Acrobat Reader: English, German, French, Spanish, Swedish, Portuguese, Japanese, and Korean. If you have a different version of the Acrobat Reader, you may wish to download one of these at, or contact the PON Teaching Negotiation Resource Center at, 800-258-4406 (within the U.S.), or 301-528-2676 (outside the U.S.) for further assistance. This restriction does not apply to the freely available Teacher’s Package Review Copies.

Ordering a single copy for review

If you wish to review the materials for a particular role simulation to decide whether you’d like to use it, a PDF, or soft copy, version of the Teacher’s Package for the simulation is available as a free download from the description page of most role simulations and case studies. All Teacher’s Packages include copies of all participant materials. In addition, some Teacher’s Packages (but not all) include additional teaching materials such as teaching notes or overhead masters.

Ordering copies for multiple participants

To order multiple copies of a role simulation for use in a course or workshop, simply enter the total number of participants in the box next to “Quantity.” There is no need to calculate how many of each role is required.

If you are ordering hard copies, the Teaching Negotiation Resource Center will calculate the appropriate numbers of each role to provide, based on the total number of participants. For example, if you wish to order a 2-party role simulation for use with a class of 30 students, you would enter “30” in the box next to “Quantity.” You then would receive 15 copies of one role and 15 copies of the other role, for use with your 30 participants. As another example, if you ordered 30 participant copies of a 6-party role simulation, you would receive 5 copies of each role.

In the event that the number of participant copies you order is not evenly divisible by the number of roles in the simulation, you will receive extra copies of one or more roles. Participants receiving the extra roles may partner with other participants playing the same role, thus negotiating as a team. So, for instance, if you ordered 31 copies of a 2-party role simulation, you would receive 15 copies of the first role and 16 copies of the second role. One of the participants playing the second role would partner with another participant playing that same role, and the two would negotiate as a team.