We’ve all faced the challenge of dealing with difficult people – those who refuse to give you what you want in negotiation for no clear reason other than sheer stubbornness. But dismissing others as stubborn, irrational, and difficult is typically a mistake. … Read More
Dealing with difficult people involves negotiating with counterparts you mistrust, dislike, or even think are “evil.” Nonetheless, a skilled negotiator knows where to find and create value in any negotiation. When dealing with difficult people, integrative bargaining strategies, including knowledge of your BATNA (best alternative to a negotiated agreement) and ZOPA (zone of possible agreement), will help you overcome any perceived differences between yourself and your counterpart so you can succeed in dealing with difficult people in your next turn at the bargaining table, no matter of who or what your counterpart may be.
William Ury, author of Getting Past No: Negotiating with Difficult People, describes his five-step strategy for dealing with hard bargainers and difficult people. He calls his method “breakthrough negotiation,” a way to “change the game from face-to-face confrontation into side-by-side problem-solving.” These steps are:
- Don’t react: Go to the balcony – or anywhere you can go to step back from the brink.
- Disarm them by stepping to their side. One of the most powerful steps to take—and one of the most difficult—is to try to understand the other person’s point of view. Ask questions and show genuine curiosity.
- Change the game: Don’t reject—reframe. Instead of locking into a battle of will or fixed positions, consider putting a new frame on the negotiation.
- Make it easy to say yes. Look for ways to help your opponent save face and feel that he’s getting his way, at least in some matters.
- Make it hard to say no. Use your power and influence to help educate your opponent about the situation.
Other strategies for handling hard bargainers or unpleasant people include:
- Sandwiching the “no” between two “yeses” to express your difference of opinion in a more positive light
- Building a golden bridge to help your opponent view the outcome as a partial victory
- Listening actively to disarm your opponent by asking open-ended questions
Articles explore other strategies such as saying “no” firmly, clearly, and in a way that respects your opponent’s position; active listening and asking open-ended questions; and allowing your opponent at least a partial victory to save face. Concepts covered also include how power affects negotiators, building trust, preparing for interactions with difficult people, and dealing with threats.