Why do some people get under our skin? Something they do or say pushes our hot buttons. Annoyance doesn’t foster productive negotiation, of course, but it’s not our fault that they’re getting on our nerves. Or is it?

Psychologists caution that when we have strong visceral reactions to other people, we should examine our own feelings and attitudes, not just theirs. If we’re honest with ourselves, we may recognize in other people’s behavior the dark side of our own nature.

Barbara Gray, professor of management and organization at Pennsylvania State University, calls this internal demon our nemesis. It’s always lurking inside us, ready to pounce.