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getting to yes

What is Getting to Yes?

Getting to Yes is a universal method for negotiating personal and professional disputes.

Getting to Yes provides a concise strategy for arriving at mutually acceptable agreements in every kind of conflict — whether it involves parents and children, neighbors, bosses and employees, customers or corporations, tenants or diplomats. Written by Program on Negotiation co-founders Roger Fisher, Bruce Patton, and William Ury, Getting to Yes shares strategies for separating the people from the problem.

However, our biggest obstacle in any given negotiation usually isn’t a difficult partner, bad timing, or a lack of power. Rather, it is ourselves. “We sabotage ourselves by reacting in ways that do not serve our true interests,” Ury writes. Virtually all of us have destructive patterns that we fall back on in negotiation, such as losing our temper, withdrawing instead of communicating, or saying yes when we need to set limits.

Once we understand this and address our blind spots, we gain better mental clarity. It’s imperative to take time to evaluate our own truths, clear our heads of distractions and gain mental clarity. By taking time to focus on our feelings and motivations prior to entering a negotiation, we can better understand what drives us during interpersonal negotiations. This, in turn, can lead to healthier relationships, in and out of the office.

Getting to Yes highlights a method of getting to yes with yourself through six essential steps:

  1. Put Yourself in Your Shoes
  2. Develop Your Inner BATNA
  3. Reframe Your Picture
  4. Stay in the Zone
  5. Respect Them Even If
  6. Give and Receive

These steps are not just for addressing major conflict, but are also useful in everyday interactions with our spouses, children, work colleagues and others. When used together as an integrated method, they can drive dramatic change and tremendous satisfaction in our lives.

In short, Getting to Yes offers a new way to approach each day with introspection, generosity and a great sense of self-confidence.

Build powerful negotiation skills and become a better dealmaker and leader. Download our FREE special report,Negotiation Skills: Negotiation Strategies and Negotiation Techniques to Help You Become a Better Negotiator, from the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School.

The following items are tagged getting to yes:

Six Guidelines for “Getting to Yes”

Posted by & filed under Negotiation Skills.

In their revolutionary book Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In (Penguin, 3rd edition, 2011), Roger Fisher, William Ury, and Bruce Patton introduced the world to the possibilities of mutual-gains negotiation, or integrative negotiation. The authors of Getting to Yes explained that negotiators don’t have to choose between either waging a strictly competitive, win-lose … Read Six Guidelines for “Getting to Yes”

Semester Negotiation and Dispute Resolution — Fall 2024

Posted by & filed under Semester Negotiation and Dispute Resolution.

SEMESTER NEGOTIATION AND DISPUTE RESOLUTION – ONLINE

Course Dates: Tuesdays, beginning September 24, 2024 and ending on December 10, 2024 from 6 to 8 p.m. ET (Note: There will be no class the week of November 26, 2024) Faculty: Toby Berkman and Betsy Fierman Enrollment: Register Now – Fall 2024!

This course wasn’t just theory; it was serious experience. We … Read More

Semester Mediation and Conflict Management – Spring 2025

Posted by & filed under Semester Mediation and Conflict Management.

SEMESTER MEDIATION AND CONFLICT MANAGEMENT – ONLINE

Course Dates: Mondays, beginning January 27, 2025 and ending on April 7, 2025 from 6 to 8 p.m. ET (Note: There will be no class the week of February 17, 2025) Faculty: David Seibel and Stevenson Carlebach Register Now – Spring 2025!

After years working on Wall Street and on the launch team … Read More

Download Your Next Mediation Video

Posted by & filed under Teaching Negotiation.

Use Video Examples to Teach Your Students to Become Better Mediators Parties engaged in disputes are often unable to reconcile their differences alone, or fail to reach outcomes that are adequate for everyone. Mediators can add a great deal of value by helping parties to efficiently and effectively examine the issues at hand, take the interests … Read Download Your Next Mediation Video

Semester Mediation and Conflict Management – Fall 2024

Posted by & filed under Semester Mediation and Conflict Management.

SEMESTER MEDIATION AND CONFLICT MANAGEMENT – ONLINE

Course Dates: Mondays, beginning September 16, 2024 and ending on November 25, 2024 from 6 to 8 p.m. ET (Note: There will be no class the week of October 14, 2024) Faculty: David Seibel and Dan Green Register Now – Fall 2024!

After years working on Wall Street and on the launch team … Read More

Negotiation Workshop: Improving Your Negotiating Effectiveness

Posted by & filed under Harvard Negotiation Institute, Harvard Negotiation Institute (Five-Day Programs).

Course Dates: This course is closed Too many negotiators leave value on the table. They painfully divide a small pie after a costly battle while failing to capture offsetting opportunities for joint gain, or win the battle, but at the cost to relationships and reputation that limit long-term value. Reliably negotiating optimal outcomes requires a keen … Read More

Negotiating Difficult Conversations: Dealing with Tough Topics Productively

Posted by & filed under Harvard Negotiation Institute, Harvard Negotiation Institute (Five-Day Programs).

Course Dates: This course is closed When negotiations become difficult, emotions often escalate and talks break down. To overcome barriers and turn negotiations from difficult to collaborative, from breakdown to breakthrough, you must learn to understand the inter- and intra-personal dynamics at play. In this program, you will examine how your own assumptions and behaviors can … Read More

Principled Negotiation: Focus on Interests to Create Value

Posted by & filed under Negotiation Skills.

Inexperienced negotiators and even many experienced negotiators tend to assume they have a choice between two main strategies: negotiate in a tough, demanding manner or in a friendly, accommodating manner. In fact, there’s a better, third way of negotiating—one that doesn’t rely on toughness or accommodation, but that will improve your likelihood of meeting your … Read More

What is Negotiation?

Posted by & filed under Negotiation Skills.

Many people dread negotiation, not recognizing that they negotiate on a regular, even daily basis. Most of us face formal negotiations throughout our personal and professional lives: discussing the terms of a job offer with a recruiter, haggling over the price of a new car, hammering out a contract with a supplier. … Read What is Negotiation?

How to Find the ZOPA in Business Negotiations

Posted by & filed under Business Negotiations.

In business negotiation, two polar-opposite errors are common: reaching agreement when it wouldn’t be wise to do so, and walking away from a mutually beneficial outcome. How can you avoid these pitfalls? Through careful preparation that includes an analysis of the zone of possible agreement, or ZOPA in business negotiations. … Read How to Find the ZOPA in Business Negotiations

Using Principled Negotiation to Resolve Disagreements

Posted by & filed under Dispute Resolution.

Parties can often reach a better agreement through integrative negotiation—that is, by identifying interests where they have different preferences and making tradeoffs among them. If you care more about what movie you see tonight, but your friend cares more about where you have dinner, for example, you can each get your preference on the issue … Read More

Take your BATNA to the Next Level

Posted by & filed under BATNA.

If your current negotiation reaches an impasse, what’s your best outside option? Most seasoned negotiators understand the value of evaluating their BATNA, or best alternative to a negotiated agreement, a concept that Roger Fisher, William Ury, and Bruce Patton introduced in their seminal book, Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In (Penguin, 1991, second … Read Take your BATNA to the Next Level

Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) Training: Mediation Curriculum

Posted by & filed under Mediation.

In 2009, we collected many types of curriculum materials from teachers and trainers who attended the Mediation Pedagogy Conference. We received general materials about classes on Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) as well as highly specific and idiosyncratic units like Conflict Resolution through Literature: Romeo and Juliet and a negotiating training package for female managers … Read More

What is a Win-Win Negotiation?

Posted by & filed under Win-Win Negotiations.

In an episode of the American television show The Office, bumbling manager Michael Scott consults with a manual on conflict resolution while attempting to mediate a dispute between two of his subordinates, Angela and Oscar. After Scott explains that there are five approaches to resolving conflict, beginning with “win-lose,” an annoyed Angela interrupts: “Can we … Read What is a Win-Win Negotiation?

5 Common Negotiation Mistakes and How You Can Avoid Them

Posted by & filed under Negotiation Skills.

Sometimes our negotiation mistakes are glaring: We accidentally reveal our bottom line, criticize the other party when patience was warranted, or get our numbers mixed up. More often, though, our negotiation mistakes are invisible: We get a perfectly good deal but are unaware that we could have gotten a better one if we hadn’t succumbed … Read More

Planning Your Syllabus for Next Semester? Check Out the Brief Course Outlines from the TNRC

Posted by & filed under Teaching Negotiation.

Planning a new course for next semester or looking to reinvent a current one? Check out our brief course outlines to get started planning your syllabus. The Teaching Negotiation Resource Center (TNRC) now offers brief outlines for eleven different course types which include recommended simulations and books and highlight key teaching points. While all teaching materials … Read More

Self-Analysis and Negotiation

Posted by & filed under Negotiation Skills.

“Separate the people from the problem,” advises the best-selling negotiation text Getting to Yes. That’s certainly good counsel when tempers flare and bargaining descends into ego battles, but it’s a mistake to ignore the psychological crosscurrents in negotiation. Unless they are addressed, a deal may never be reached. … Read Self-Analysis and Negotiation

VIDEO: William Ury on “Getting to Yes with Yourself”

Posted by & filed under Negotiation Skills, Videos.

At the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School, William Ury, a founding member of the Program on Negotiation and co-author of the seminal book Getting to Yes, spoke about his latest book, Getting to Yes with Yourself (and Other Worthy Opponents). Over 250 community members, students, and faculty members filled Austin Hall to hear Ury … Read More

BATNA Analysis Can Help You Avoid the Agreement Trap

Posted by & filed under BATNA.

In both our personal and our business negotiations, “getting to yes” is typically the ultimate goal. Negotiation research and advice tend to focus on identifying the conditions that can help people overcome their differences, relax firm positions, and reach harmonious terms that could lead to a mutually fulfilling long-term relationship. This mindset risks downplaying the fact … Read More

Adapting the BATNA for International Cultural Differences

Posted by & filed under BATNA.

The BATNA (best alternative to a negotiated agreement) concept, popularized by Roger Fisher, William Ury, and Bruce Patton in their book Getting to Yes (Penguin Books, third edition, 2011), has been disseminated all over the world and doubtless helped thousands avoid settling for less than what they want in negotiations. When you have identified your … Read More

The Value of Using Scorable Simulations in Negotiation Training

Posted by & filed under Teaching Negotiation.

At a Teaching Negotiation Resource Center (TNRC) faculty pedagogy seminar, members of the PON faculty and negotiation community gathered to hear Gordon Kaufman (MIT Morris A. Adelman Professor of Management, Emeritus) speak about how he uses quantifiable data to plot student-learning trajectories. The conversation focused on the ongoing debate within the negotiation pedagogy community regarding the way … Read More

Dear Negotiation Coach: Coordinating Teams to Get Everyone in the Same Frames

Posted by & filed under Negotiation Training.

Q: I lead a team of approximately 50 lawyers in the in-house legal department of a Fortune 500 company. As our team gets larger, reflecting the company’s growth, I’d like to install quality-control measures to ensure that all our attorneys are effectively negotiating settlements when appropriate and taking cases to trial when not. What are … Read More

Intercultural Negotiation: Does the BATNA Concept Translate?

Posted by & filed under International Negotiation.

When should you walk away in negotiation? That’s a common question that negotiation experts pose of professional negotiators. We are typically advised to walk away from the bargaining table when we haven’t been able to get a better deal than we can get elsewhere. But in intercultural negotiation, particularly in international negotiation in certain countries … Read More

NEW BOOK! Conflict Resolution for Children

Posted by & filed under Teaching Negotiation.

Trouble at the Watering Hole: Teach Your Children About Conflict Resolution With This New Book This fun and educational book from the Teaching Negotiation Resource Center (TNRC) builds a foundation for kids to learn ways to constructively resolve problems and to build strong skills that can be used to resolve conflict for the rest of their … Read NEW BOOK! Conflict Resolution for Children

PON Remembers Howard Raiffa

Posted by & filed under Daily, Negotiation Skills.

The Program on Negotiation would like to honor the memory of beloved colleague Howard Raiffa by highlighting his vast contributions to the field of decision making, negotiation, and dispute resolution. Howard Raiffa was one of the four principal co-founders of the Harvard Kennedy School and the Frank Plumpton Ramsey Professor of Managerial Economics Emeritus, a … Read PON Remembers Howard Raiffa

Program on Negotiation Faculty Member Daniel Shapiro Releases New Book – Negotiating the Nonnegotiable: How to Resolve Your Most Emotionally Charged Conflicts

Posted by & filed under Negotiation Skills.

Program on Negotiation faculty member Daniel Shapiro’s latest book, Negotiating the Nonnegotiable: How to Resolve Your Most Emotionally Charged Conflicts, is now available at the Teaching Negotiation Resource Center. Dan Shapiro has written a masterpiece – clear, insightful, and practical – about the most difficult and emotionally-charged of negotiations…Highly recommended! -William Ury, co-author of Getting to Yes … Read More

“Negotiating at Work: Turn Small Wins into Big Gains”: A Book Talk with Deborah Kolb

Posted by & filed under Daily, Events.

The Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School is pleased to present: Negotiating at Work: Turn Small Wins into Big Gains

with Deborah Kolb Professor Emerita, Simmons College School of Management Tuesday, November 17 4:00-5:15 PM Pound Hall 102 Harvard Law School Campus Free and open to the public; refreshments will be served.   About the book: Negotiation is undoubtedly essential to navigating the working world. Dr. … Read More

Negotiating the Path of Abraham: The Flip Side of the Middle East

Posted by & filed under Daily, Events.

The Abraham Path Initiative and the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School are pleased to present:

Negotiating the Path of Abraham: The Flip Side of the Middle East

with William Ury Co-author of “Getting to Yes” and co-founder of Harvard’s Program on Negotiation  and Dave Cornthwaite, Leon McCarron, Hannah Messerli, James Sebenius, and José Filipe Torres Saturday October 10 1:30-5 PM Milstein East B, Wasserstein Hall Harvard Law School Campus Free … Read More

Negotiation Research You Can Use: When “Honor Talk” Pays in Negotiation

Posted by & filed under Negotiation Skills.

You likely have noticed that this newsletter and other negotiation advice from the Western world tends to promote rationality, logic, and fact finding over emotional reactions or a focus on abstract concepts such as honor. This rational approach dovetails well with the values and assumptions of American and other Western cultures. But how well does … Read More

PON Faculty Members Jeswald Salacuse, Deborah Kolb, and William Ury Honored on Time’s List of the Five Best Negotiation Books of 2015

Posted by & filed under Negotiation Skills.

Program on Negotiation faculty members Jeswald Salacuse, Deborah Kolb, and William Ury were named by Time magazine as the authors of three of the five best negotiation books of 2015. Jeswald Salacuse’s latest work, The Global Negotiator: Making, Managing and Mending Deals Around the World in the Twenty-First Century, describes the negotiation skills people need to succeed … Read More

Hong Kong Lawyer Benny Tai Inspired by Harvard Negotiation Project Authors

Posted by & filed under Teaching Negotiation.

The Harvard Negotiation Project was recently mentioned in the Wall Street Journal by David Feith in his interview with Benny Tai, “China’s New Freedom Fighters.” Benny Tai, a 49 year old lawyer who has been branded an “enemy of the state,” founded Occupy Central with Love and Peace, a group that promotes civil disobedience in order … Read More

Negotiators: Prepare to go with the flow

Posted by & filed under Negotiation Skills.

The deal started with an offhand remark at a news conference. In September, as President Barack Obama threatened U.S. military action against Syria, a reporter asked U.S. secretary of state John Kerry if there were any way an attack could be avoided. Syrian president Bashar al-Assad “could turn over every single bit of his chemical … Read Negotiators: Prepare to go with the flow

Program on Negotiation Faculty On How To End the US Government Shutdown

Posted by & filed under Conflict Resolution.

The Washington Post’s “On Leadership” column by Jenna McGregor asked renowned negotiation experts on how the government shutdown in Washington, DC could be ended at the bargaining table. Among the experts interviewed were Robert Mnookin, Chair of the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School (PON) and author of Bargaining With The Devil: When To Negotiate, … Read More

Win-Win Negotiations in the Middle East: How the Principles Behind the Harvard Negotiation Project Apply to Israel and Palestine

Posted by & filed under Middle East Negotiation Initiatives, Win-Win Negotiations.

Peace talks in the Middle East between Israel and Palestine have stalled for years and, with no ‘new beginnings’ on the horizon, many have come to expect stagnation and lack of progress in talks between the neighbors. That was until this week when Secretary of State John Kerry was successful in getting Palestinian and Israeli … Read More

Negotiation Tips: A Value-Creation Checklist

Posted by & filed under Negotiation Skills.

By following these tips in your next negotiation, you’ll improve your chances of meeting everyone’s interests. Before you sit down at the bargaining table, imagine a wide-range of options and packages, including some that may seem far-fetched. When talks begin, remember that getting down to business too quickly can stand in the way of building trust. Emphasize to … Read Negotiation Tips: A Value-Creation Checklist

The Program on Negotiation Mourns the Loss of Co-Founder Roger Fisher

Posted by & filed under Negotiation Skills.

Roger Fisher, co-founder of the Program on Negotiation and the Harvard Negotiation Project, died on August 25 at age 90. A true pioneer and leader, he helped launch a new way of thinking about negotiation, and he worked tirelessly to help people deal productively with conflict. “Through his writing and teaching, Roger Fisher’s seminal contributions literally … Read More

Leading Horses to Water

Posted by & filed under Negotiation Skills.

The hardest step in negotiation is often the first. Costly lawsuits can drag on it everyone is afraid to be the first to blink. Prospective buyers and sellers can waste endless hours dancing around a possible deal. And in collective bargaining, labor and management teams sometimes paint themselves into corners by refusing to negotiate “matters … Read Leading Horses to Water

PON Film Series presents “The Interrupters”

Posted by & filed under Conflict Resolution, Negotiation and Nonviolent Action, PON Film Series, Student Events.

The PON Film Series presents     “The Interrupters” followed by a post-screening discussion with William Ury, co-author of Getting to YES & Gary Slutkin, Executive Director of Chicago’s Ceasefire Date: Tuesday, November 15, 2011 Time: 6:30 PM Location: Ames Courtroom, Austin Hall, Harvard Law School Campus The Interrupters tells the moving and surprising stories of three Violence Interrupters who try to protect their Chicago … Read PON Film Series presents “The Interrupters”

Dr. Ury featured in Washington Post article on debt ceiling negotiations

Posted by & filed under Conflict Resolution.

In a recent article published in the Washington Post, Dr. William Ury, co-founder of the Program on Negotiation, suggests that Republicans and Democrats hammering out a deal on the national debt ceiling could benefit from the experience of negotiators. Professional negotiators know that certain tactics can backfire in tense situations.  Issuing ultimatums, publicly criticizing your counterpart, … Read More

How to Get to the Table

Posted by & filed under Business Negotiations.

Adapted from “Leading Horses to Water,” first published in the Negotiation newsletter. The hardest step in negotiation is often the first. Costly lawsuits can drag on if everyone is afraid to be the first to blink. Prospective buyers and sellers can waste endless hours dancing around a possible deal. And in collective bargaining, labor and management … Read How to Get to the Table

Dealing With a Stubborn Counterpart

Posted by & filed under Daily, Negotiation Skills.

Adapted from “Stubborn or Irrational? How to Cope with a Difficult Negotiating Partner,” by Lawrence Susskind (professor, Massachusetts Institute of Technology), first published in the Negotiation newsletter. Suppose you’re an experienced salesperson entering into negotiations for a contract renewal with a company you’ve successfully done business with for years. Recently, your counterpart at the other company … Read Dealing With a Stubborn Counterpart

Getting to No

Posted by & filed under Daily, Negotiation Skills.

Adapted from “When You Mean No, Say So!” first published in the Negotiation newsletter. Too often, we say yes when we shouldn’t. Wanting to be team players at work, we postpone a family vacation. Or we pitch in on a community project when we have no time for it. In the short term, we please whoever … Read Getting to No

Opening students up to negotiation

Posted by & filed under Negotiation Skills.

Working It Out is a 27-page handbook designed to introduce high school students to problem-solving, interest-based negotiation. Written by Getting to YES co-author Roger Fisher and Difficult Conversations co-author Douglas Stone, Working It Out presents core concepts from both books in a clear, simple format with plenty of age-appropriate examples from family, school, workplace and … Read Opening students up to negotiation

First, know thyself

Posted by & filed under Daily, Negotiation Skills.

Adapted from “Self-Analysis and Negotiation,” first published in the Negotiation newsletter. “Separate the people from the problem,” advises the bestselling negotiation text “Getting to Yes”. That’s certainly good counsel when tempers flare and bargaining descends into ego battles, but it’s a mistake to ignore the psychological crosscurrents in negotiation. Unless they are addressed, a deal may … Read First, know thyself

Seeing the Middle East in a New Way: Films from the Abraham Path with William Ury

Posted by & filed under Conflict Resolution, Daily, Dispute Resolution, Events, International Negotiation, PON Film Series.

presents: Seeing the Middle East in a New Way: Films from the Abraham Path

with William Ury

Tuesday, December 8, 2009 7:00PM Ames Courtroom, Austin Hall Harvard Law School Campus Join the Program on Negotiation for a film screening and discussion about The Abraham Path (Masar Ibrahim al Khalil), a route of cultural tourism which follows the footsteps of Abraham/Ibrahim through the … Read More

Boston Globe highlights mediation trainings for Iraqis

Posted by & filed under Daily, International Negotiation, News.

“The Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School is a renowned source of expertise in the field,” reported the Boston Globe today in its story, “Iraq latest crucible for Harvard mediation.” Reporting on the work done by conflict resolution professionals at Conflict Management Group in Cambridge, Massachusetts, the report notes that “The blood not spilled … Read More

Boost your negotiations skills and confidence

Posted by & filed under Daily, Negotiation Skills, Resources, Reviews of Books.

The following book, Negotiation Genius, was co-winner of the 2008 CPR Award for Excellence in ADR (Outstanding Book Category).  It provides clear and methodical advice for preparing for and executing any negotiation, drawing on decades of behavioral research and the experience of thousands of business clients. Whether you’ve “seen it all” or are just … Read Boost your negotiations skills and confidence